My 28 Year Old Realization

I turned 28 this year...

It wasn't hard or whatever, maybe 30 will be different.

But I have never been one of those people who dreads a birthday or the getting older thing. Granted I would love to go back and have my 19 year old body, and keep it forever, but pretty sure that the fact that I love ice cream and hate working out, that 19 year old body is nothing but a memory (but that's another blog post). But I am okay with having birthdays, maybe its because birthdays for me are always low key. I like it that way...no fuss. I kind of demand it. I have a summer birthday, which I love, and so for me an ideal birthday is sitting by the pool, and doing nothing all day.

This year my birthday was on a Wednesday, so we were just home and I really didn't want to do anything. Just hang out at home. So the hubby surprised me with an ice cream cake...perfect! Gold star to the hubby! The J-man was funny though...because he asked me, "momma, no one is coming for your birthday party? we aren't going to disneyland?" We went to D-land for his birthday so I think he didn't understand why we were being so lame on my birthday...but to have a completely low-key day was perfect for me.

But despite a completely low-key uneventful day, this 28th year has been a big year for me...I feel like I have had a lot of realizations about myself. And I think more than any other time in my life, I am pretty happy with who I am and where I am at...and there have been some things that I have figured out about myself which led to...

My 28 Year Old Realization...so here it is...some of them are little things...and some a little more profound...but either way...they were big for me.

I dread painting my toe nails...and may never do it again...

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE PEDICURES!!! Like really, who doesn't? And if I had the time, or wasn't such a cheap-o, I would get one every week. But as far as painting my own toe nails go, I seriously dread it. And I came to the conclusion that the only person I am painting my toe nails for is someone else. I would seriously think to myself..."Ugh...I am going to the pool with my friends, gotta paint my toe nails." And the more I thought about it the more I realized, if someone doesn't want to be my friend because I don't paint my toenails then maybe they aren't really the kind of friend I am looking for. And I don't want you to think I have friends who are that shallow, because I don't, my friends are AMAZING! But I just want you to know that there is a 99% chance that if you and I ever go to the pool together, or really if you ever catch me in my flipflops anywhere, my toes will not be painted. I just don't have the time, or more importantly, the desire to do it. So I'm just not gonna...

I hate high heels...like seriously hate them!

I think the fact that I have a job where I am on my feet all day, the way my feet feel is huge to me. Me and Dr. Scholls, we are good friends. Yep, that's right...I'm gellin! But me and high heels have never been friends. Never ever. I love to shoe shop and own tons of shoes...but I would only ever buy a pair of heels for a special event, wear them once, and then never wear them again. And once again, I came to the conclusion that I was doing it for someone else. Seriously crazy, right? So from here on out...no heels for me. Not even a tiny heel...I just don't want to. But I will probably be wearing the cutest flats you have ever seen! And if I tell you I love your heels, I actually really do, but they just aren't going to be on my feet any time soon.

Do you wonder why I don't dress better?

I seriously wonder sometimes when clients meet me for the first time, after I have spent hours and hours helping style them and their sessions, if they wonder to themselves, "You totally made us look amazing...why do you not dress better?" I just don't...its just not me. When it comes to a choice between fashion and comfort...comfort wins every time. When I imagine myself, on a "perfect" day for me...I am most likely wearing jeans, a t-shirt, flipflops and a ponytail. And really when it comes down to me, my clothes really do reflect who I am. I am just a simple girl...

Drama and me don't mix

You would think by the time that you are 28, that drama between girls would be a non-issue. But its not. Crazy, right? But I just don't do it and I don't know how to handle it. Never have, never will. I have some anxiety issues. And can have panic attacks. And so I get so stressed, like sick to my stomach stressed, whenever I get pulled into any kind of drama between anyone. I pretty much have two responses to drama...I talk about it to death with my hubby and BFF Sister until I am sure they wished I would lose my voice. And secondly, I avoid it at all costs. So for me...drama is a total deal breaker. Too much drama with someone usually is a fast way to get the cold shoulder from me. Its not that I don't like you, its that I dread the drama monster and have to escape.

**for those of you who don't know about my BFF sister, or what that is...I'll blog about her later.

I don't know how to be fake...so what you see is what you get...

I had a friend not long ago who told me that one of the things she loves about me is that I am "so real." And to be honest with you, the biggest reason I am that way, is because I don't have the energy or the memory to be anything else. To keep track of who I am nice to, or not nice to, or what I said or didn't say. Or who I talked about or didn't talk about. So I just came to the conclusion that I will always be myself. And then I always know who I am and what I am doing. I don't say things about people that I wouldn't say to their face. I just try to be real with everyone, because really it doesn't benefit me or anyone else to be anything but that.

I have learned real life lessons by watching Grey's Anatomy

Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with this show. I have EVERY episode DVR'd. And I quote it in everyday life. But really, it is great. I love it. And I think everyone could benefit in their own lives from watching it. (my hubby is reading this right now and rolling his eyes. he thinks my obsession is lame, yet he watches it too...hmmm)

As a mom, I am majorly over-protective and kind of up-tight

I had a pretty rough childhood. It's complicated, but its the past. And I can really say that in some way I am grateful for what I went through because it got me to where I am today. And I love today. And I know that certain things that happened when I was a little girl have shaped the kind of mother that I am today. I know what its like to not have someone looking out for you & to not have anyone protecting you. And I know what its like to have to be an adult before you should have to. So I don't want that for my boys. I want to let them be little. And be able to enjoy every moment of childhood. I don't want them to know about certain things until they absolutely have to. Because they are going to be adults forever...but they will only be babies for a few short years. So I shelter them a lot, I am really over-protective of them. Because really there are a million things that are going to happen to them that I can't protect them against, but I am going to try and protect them from everything I can. And even though my friends tease me because I am so incredibly over the top...I am okay with it.

I like working...and even if I didn't have to...I think I still would

I admire those moms who stay home all the time. Like really, really admire them. They are amazing women who have something inside themselves that I don't. Its like this magic quality that they are blessed with. But me, I am not a good mom when I stay home all the time. I am grumpy and short tempered and no fun. I think as working moms we all feel a guilt for not being home all the time, and I don't think that ever goes away. Not always being at home, having someone else spend time with your kids, running the risk of missing something important. But I know that me and my kids benefit from me working. And even if I suddenly won the lottery tomorrow and didn't have to contribute financially to my family, I would still work some. Because I know deep down that working really does make me a better mom.

...despite the up-tightness and the working, I am a great mom

This one took a long time for me to really accept about myself. I told myself I was a great mom all the time, but I don't think until this year did I really believe it. I think not really having a mom, and that motherly example in my life, I have always felt like I was missing something. And adding the owning my own business thing on top of that, I generally have always felt inadequate as a mother. And I know that there are a lot of people out there who think I work too much and probably they don't think I am a good mother. And you know what...that's fine. But I know me. And I know my kids. And we are all happy. And they love me...and when they are sick, or sad, or excited, or happy. I am the one they want. We aren't perfect but we are doing just great...and as a mom I may not be "the" perfect mom...but I am a perfect mom for my boys.

So there you go...my 28 year old realization. It is what it is, and I am who I am. A happy, over-protective, drama-free, Grey's anatomy obsessed, low-key girl who is really quite comfortable right now in her own shoes...unpainted toes and all...